well, it's a job

I had a job interview this week. Well, I actually had two.. at the same place. I was called back for round two.. that's good right?

This is the first interview I've had since Daughter arrived in my life, which makes it 100 times more complicated. At first I was somewhat looking forward to playing"grown-up" for a few hours, but then I realized I didn't actually have any interview clothes that were in the house and not packed in boxes lost forever in the garage. Oops. 

Eventually I managed to put together a fairly decent outfit.. but when they wanted me to come back.. I had to go buy new everything.. and that was so much harder than I thought it would be having to drag Daughter along. Poor thing, but she did pretty well.

Anyway.. the initial sort of excitement started to go away after the first interview. And then it reeally started to go away as I prepared for the second interview and I realized having this job would mean not spending all my time with Daughter. And that started to upset me. 

I thought about spending 40+ hours a week at some office. I thought about driving for 10+ hours a week back and forth to some office. I thought about all the stupid grown-up clothes I would have to wear all week at some office. I thought about how this job was sounding more and more like the job I left a year ago for many reasons, including that I hated it and everyone I had to be around during it. 

I thought about all of that as I walked really really slowly back to my car after the 2nd interview. When I got into my car.. I just sat there for awhile. I thought about all that.. and then how much time I wouldn't be spending with Daughter.. and I was so very very sad.